Resolutions and Rebellions

I want to do less comparison. I know that is so easy to say but how do you actually do it? I have a flow chart, but the flow chart is very practical, 'logical thinking brain' orientated and comparison is something that often triggers our nervous system to feel agitated. Comparison is natural, it serves an evolutionary purpose so it won't just go away. 

I can be logical about some things, but others... oooph. I can be in tears in seconds if I go down the rabbit hole. For you it might be body image, or romantic relationships, or finances, or education. For me, the big comparison triggers are are the state of my business and and where I am in life... like "At this point in my life, I should own my own home, be a wise zen master, and have a successful business." 

And this leads into the first thing I want to do more of this year.... more EFT tapping. Now I'm not gonna get into the weeds of it right now, but let me know if you're curious. EFT has been called emotional acupuncture without the needles. It is simple, you can do it at home by yourself, and it is evidence based. But I call it 'woo adjacent'. I started it late last year and took some continuing education credit courses as a counsellor so that I can bring it into other people's lives, and despite my scepticism, it has made a difference. 

OK moving on to the second things I suggest doing less and more of in 2024...

Less guilt driven workouts. If you haven't heard me talk about fitness before, you may not know that I believe the traditional fitness tactics used to 'help' people achieve their body goals, are mirrors of tactics used in abusive relationships. My goal as a fitness trainer is to help people, especially women, recognize those tactics and escape the diet culture push of 'you need to change your body in order to enjoy your body.'

Fitness is something I credit with helping me escape an abusive relationship and part of that is because I was standing up to the unhealthy fitness rules. Practicing that in fitness, taught me to do it in other aspects of my life.  

So obviously the flip side of less guilt driven workouts is to move more for pleasure, but on a more nuanced note, something I suggest doing more of in 2024 is trusting your body to look the way to needs to look. I have been working on removing the pressure for my body to look a certain way, and instead handing over the reins to my body. I will do the movement... some of it may not be party popper fun in the moment, but some of it will be. I will fuel my body with nutrients without depriving my soul of candy... because yes,, "I love me a bit of candy". Basically, I will do what I can on my end to ensure that my body keeps running smoothly, and then I will trust my body be the shape and size it needs to be.

What do you think of that idea? Do you feel like that is a pact you can make? Let me know.

Next thing to do less of... procrastination distractions. Playing games on my phone instead of writing emails for my newsletter list or balancing my budget is something I find myself doing more and more.

But I also want to acknowledge that perhaps my brain needs more down time than I allow space for... so it just does forced zone outs. So instead of just saying I want to less of the quote unquote non productive activities, I am going to implement a strategy I often suggest to my clients when trying to shit a habit... focus on adding in rather than taking away.

If you want to drink less sugary drinks, start by drinking more water. I want to honour the downtime my brain needs but I don't want it to happen as an escape for important things. So I want to add in more reading.  

We're into thing #4 to do less of.... less regret wallowing. I can go into spirals of how life was supposed to be, decisions I wish I'd made differently and how that would change my life now, conversations I have replayed endlessly in my head, parenting choices that fall under the "if I could go back in time with what I know now" category. Can you relate?

Here's the thing about regret. We are almost always comparing the worst of our current situation against best possible outcome we can imagine .... if only. And that's just not a fair comparison. 

So something I suggest doing more of is 'making it easier'. I'm all for small action steps (aka habits - one or two at a time).

Action (movement) is the anti-dote for fear and stuckness. But if you find you aren't sticking to your habits, make them easier. Remove the friction.

You have regrets about your past health choices and decide you want to workout more often. Great... make working out easier.

• Commit to just the warm up.
• Put your workout clothes on before the planned time for your workout.
• Choose a friend to go for a walk with you.

Whatever makes it easier... do that.

And that kindof leads into something else to do more of in 2024. More self-compassion.'Cause we're not going to be perfect and research shows us over and over that compassion works better as a motivator than judgement. So give yourself a break. Less judgement, more compassion.

Again, I hear you say... but how? 

And again, I will point out that judgement, like comparison, is something hard-wired into us and serves a survival purpose so it isn't going to just go away. Being able to regulate our nervous system when we feel judged by others or by ourselves is a good place to start. And then, try meeting yourself where you are at. 

Whoever you are right in this moment is not who you were two minutes ago or who you will be five years from now. And PS - when you think about your past self, you always do it through the lens of hindsight glasses. We can't unknow what we know now so it becomes hard to judge our past self fairly. 

I can prove to you that you are always doing your best.

My last less of and more of is less setting myself up to do waaaay too much and more practicing sleep hygiene.

Having more realistic goals about what I can do in a day is going to help immensely with, well everything. But in large part with something I suggest ALL of us do more of... sleep. 

Now I might not be able to fully control how much sleep I actually get or the quality of that sleep, but I can control the patterns I set up around bedtime and the environment I sleep in. 

When I was in my twenties, I started working out in a healthy way. I hadn't done so as a teenager. As a teenager I had leaned into not eating enough and working out constantly. There were many reasons, but that is not the focus of this little tangent. I started working out in my twenties, because I heard that women start losing bone density in their thirties and I wanted to get ahead of the habit I'd need to do in order to maintain bone density. 

I thought if I waited until I was in my thirties to start weight lifting, it would feel like a chore I was 'had to do' and I'd resent it. I reasoned that if I started it now (in my twenties) and was doing it because I wanted to do it, then by the time I got to my thirties, it would be a habit and just part of life. I'd already be doing the thing I needed to do in order to stay healthy. In my thirties, I decided I should start stretching more because flexibility is harder to maintain as we get older and I should focus on lots of vegetables and fibre in order to keep my guts healthy... because I'd heard that constipation is a thing people in their fourties deal with. I'm not saying all these things are true... it was just my beliefs or paranoia at the time.

In my fourties, I looked ahead to see that women in peri-menopause often suffer with sleep issues. So sleep hygiene is something I have been making a habit as I approach fifty. Every decade, I have looked ahead tro see what habits would benefit future me and made the choice to incorporate them before I truly needed them. In many ways I believe it has been a good plan. 

So this being the last year I will be fourty anything, I'm committing this year to becoming a great sleeper. I'll keep you posted.

Right... so there's my list of things to avoid and lean into for 2024. What do you think of my list? Do any of things feel like a fit for you? What would you add? Slide into my IG and let me know.

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