Depression and Fitness

Resting is different than giving up. And in depression, your body is saying, "I'm scared we don't have the resources to move away from where we are, so I'm going to make you want to stay put, rest, conserve the resources we do have, until we have more to work with". Your body is doing the exact opposite of giving up. Your body is literally fighting for your life by making sure you don't run out of resources or run into a situation before you have the tools you need. 

And even though the tools we need might be sitting right beside us, that storm whirling around us could be stirring up the dust so that we can't see them. And even if we do have them in our hands, we might not know how to use them. And even if we know how to use them, we might not be strong enough to use them.

And because we feel stuck and maybe hopeless, (and we don't like that feeling but don't feel strong enough to deal with it), there is a tendency to try to numb ourselves.

I myself have self-medicated with pot and alcohol and reckless sex. I want you to hear me clearly on two points about numbing.

One:

there is no shame in anything that has helped you survive.

I'm going to say that again. There is no shame in anything that has helped you survive. Take a moment with that, accept that your brain may put up resistance to the idea and that's ok, and know that your body has always had one goal - one tunnel visioned more important than anything goal - keep you alive. If you are alive, it has done its job. You were always doing the best you could with the tools, the knowledge, and the strength you had at that time. 

Two:

Numbing is a form of flight; a type of escape. Flight is a different type of protective state than freeze. It is proof that you are in fact trying to move out of depression by artificially inducing a change. It is proof that you have, in fact, NOT given up.

I want to assure you right now that having depression does not mean you are weaker or less capable … in fact, you are incredibly strong. It takes great strength and ingenuity to get through life with depression. 

Imagine two people climbing a mountain … fairly equal in most ways but one of them is carrying a 100 lb pack. Imagine how that might affect their ability to climb. Imagine how strong the person with the pack is just for being on that mountain.

Depression is a weight you carry with you and I’m proud of you for carrying it this far…but would you like to lighten your load? Would you like a hand to pull you along a little ways?

Admitting depression and asking for help is the hardest and bravest thing you can do. I heard this thing once that courage is doing what you have to do because you have to do it…like a pilot landing a plane when the engine has failed…you don’t think about being courageous, it just happens. 

Bravery is doing something courageous when you have a choice not to….like skydiving out of a perfectly good plane. I’m not saying you have to skydive to be brave! I’m saying it is a choice we make and if you are this far into this blog, then I promise you are already braver than you give yourself credit for.

**Please only do this if you feel you are in a safe emotional space and able to regulate your nervous system to prevent huge downward spirals. There are emergency numbers listed below**

If you feel you can give yourself a green light, try the $10 million test.

If someone offered you $10 million to make yourself feel MORE depressed, just for half an hour, could you do it?

What would you do to make it happen?

I'm sure you can think of some things...

• isolating yourself in a dark room
• watching sad movies
• listening to sad songs
• ruminating over things
• drinking

Now I'm NOT going to say 'just do the opposite of those things and everything will be fine'. If it was that simple, you'd have done it, right?!

What I am going to ask is this:

"if you could find a way to make yourself MORE depressed for 1/2 an hour, what do you think that means about your ability to affect your mood?"

Is it possible that you might have more influence than you've let yourself believe? 

Sometimes people consider this for a moment and come to the conclusion that they've actually been doing the $10 million test every day for free!

Does it ever feel like you try to do things that 'should' make you feel better, but they don't? 

That's a nifty side effect of depression... things that used to make you feel good or that 'should' make you feel good, simply don't. It's part of that protective feature your body has... the 'let's just stay where we' are thing. 

You can think of it like your body being convinced that when positives are in front of you, it's not real, it's a mirage, so why bother moving toward it. 

It commonly takes quite a few attempts for things to have an impact. Meaning you might have to have faith and continue without getting immediate rewards. 

But... more is NOT better. As counter intuitive as it may seem, people with depression are overly optimistic when it comes to goals. We set targets for ourselves that are overly ambitious based on what we are going through, and then feel worse when we can't meet those impossible standards. 

So when plotting out what you can do to walk down that path of feeling better, go ahead and dream big. Then plan for the minimum you think you could do on your worst day. Doing tiny things and celebrating that you did them, will get you farther than planning tons of stuff and beating yourself up for 'failing'. 

Plus, remember, your body is in conservation mode. It literally does not have the resources to do tons. Even little things will take energy...and that's ok. Little things will also build strength.

At this point, I firmly believe there is no right or wrong exercise for you to do, other than what works for your body on that day, and is something that either brings you some enjoyment, or something that past you knows used to bring you enjoyment.

If you have nothing in your past, start with walking (outside if possible). Try adding music to whatever you choose. Once you find something, my suggestion is stick with it for a while rather than trying to change it up all the time. 

I can't say for certain that is the right thing for you because I am not the expert of you. But steady and predictable usually feels good in depression and we need to meet ourselves where we are at. You can' t leave a place you've never arrived at. 

I am not saying stay with the same thing forever. I'm saying that in order to start making a shift and to become more consistent, that will most likely feel better than new new new everyday.

And DO LESS!

Make the goal putting on your shoes and stepping out the door ... and that's it! Make the goal to put out your yoga mat and sit on it for 10 seconds... and that's it! 

Make the goal unbelievably, ridiculously simple and easy. Then celebrate the shit out of yourself for doing it. 

Is your brain screaming at me that that isn't enough and you won't get results from those things?

Here's the thing... the best thing for you to do is dependant on what your goal is, AND skipping steps doesn't work well.

So if we are working from a place of depression, the goal is NOT changing our body shape or getting fitter or faster or more toned. The goal is to shift how we feel. 

And that starts with tiny steps that we will do consistently so that they have a chance to push through the depression fog. 

One time of putting on your shoes and taking a breath of fresh air probably won't noticeably change a thing. The 5th time might not either. But eventually, it will. 

Our goal right now is to keep doing it so we can get to the time that it does start to feel different... and that's it.

Make it DUH simple and easy, then give yourself credit. 

All the fancy trauma informed fitness stuff can come afterwards. When you're ready, I have a 90 day online journey which will take you step by step through discovering what works for you and your body.

It's called Fierce AF and it is designed for women who want to break free from toxic fitness, undiet their life, and learn more about trauma recovery through movement.  

Has this been helpful? Comment or share the podcast and let me know your thoughts :)