Self-Care Rant

Kate

in sassy blog Posted on

11/11/2022 17:23

If you are someone who identifies as a woman, I am willing to bet that you've been given advice about having it all and then lived an experience of falling down the stress well... and that's been followed up with a lecture on how you really should be doing more self-care.

Self-care is packaged up as a cure for all, and on top of everything else we are doing to 'have it all' like the good empowered modern women of the world, we end up feeling guilty because we aren't doing self care enough... or properly.

Clearly we aren't because if we were, then having it all would be blissful, not stressful.

Cue my incoming self-care rant.

We all know the airplane gas mask analogy right? You have to put your own oxygen mask on first because you can't help anyone else if you're passed out? And this has been co-opted by the self-care committee as the reason you shouldn't feel guilty about taking time for yourself.

Self-care isn't something to feel guilty about because you won't be able to show up for your kids, spouse, friends, co-workers, whoever as the most authentic, best, fully functioning version of you possible if you're burned out. You must put your self-care mask on first SO THAT you can help others.

OMFG no.

I mean it's not untrue. When your self-care happens, you probably WILL have more energy, patience, will to live and an icing on the cake perk to that is that others will benefit from you ultimately feeling healthier. But that IS NOT the reason for you to do self-care.

When we frame self-care around the idea that it is your duty to show up for others, self-care becomes one more thing on a huge to-do list and then no wonder we feel like crap when we don't get to it... I mean we're letting everyone else down!

The idea that other people need YOU to be refreshed so THEIR lives can be better (not yours... theirs!) - that is F'ed up

NONE of that is centered around you being a viable, valuable human in your own right. We tell people all the time that they should put themselves at the top of their priority list, and then we tell women the reason to do that is so that they can help other people. Kinda contradicts itself, don't you think?

Let me be very clear. You should do self-care because you deserve self-care. Period. If no-one else EVER benefited from you doing self-care, you still deserve feel optimized and healthy and energetic... for yourself.

You deserve self-care because you exist. The end. Happily ever after. You DO NOT need to justify looking after yourself under the umbrella of looking after others.

Now big caveat here... you might genuinely enjoy being there for the people you love. That's great. It's not the reason for you to do self-care.

You might have heard that helping and giving to others is actually good for your mental health. It is! And it's still not the reason for you to do self-care.

Having more energy and patience and clarity and motivation is often a side effect of a regular self-care routine and other people benefitting from that is a side effect of you feeling that way. But it's just that... a natural side effect... not the reason you 'should' do it.

How is that sitting with you? This is idea that you deserve self-care for you... regardless of how it does or does not affect anyone else on earth.

What if you feeling good was all about you feeling good? What if self-care was not something on your to-do list but just a natural part of life... like breathing.

You need air so you can show up for other people, but no-one ever suggests you should breathe so you can be there as a better human for others. It's just a right you have as a living human... air...oxygen. It's just a natural part of each and every day and you have a right to it because you exist.

For some people, this concept is revolutionary, for some there's resistance to it, for some it's tear jerking, for some it's obvious. Let me know how it all lands for you.

So let's look at some different areas of self-care and examples of each.

You are NOT supposed to be doing ALL these things every day at 100%. These are ideas. Some of them might already be part of your everyday life. Some you may have zero interest in ever doing. It's all good.

You may notice that some areas have lots of self-care ticks and some areas are being neglected.

I recommend rating each suggestion as something you feel you are already doing well, something you are doing ok with, or something you think you don't do well at all.

This is not a right or wrong test... just an assessment

Then have a look to see if there are any that you'd like to do more of, or do better. Pick ONLY one or two to work on at a time.