Life, the universe, and EVERYTHING!

According to the HGG, one must travel the galaxy without a towel at one's own peril. Towels feature heavily in the movie as a useless, yet invaluable piece of luggage to have with you.

For my brother's 42nd birthday, I gave him a towel along with a list of reasons this is the best gift ever. 

I put out a call on the socials and asked for listener input... if you could know anything in the world, what would you want to know.

I got one reply. And that person wanted to know how to not let other people's emotions affect you.

"I'm going to tell you, but you won't like it."  Marvin, the manically depressed robot in HGG

The nutshell answer is... YOU CAN'T. (told you you wouldn't like it)

But let's pretend for a moment that you can control how much they affect how... or at the very least, how you react to the their emotions affecting you.

So start by normalizing that you can't. It IS going to happen. We're human beings and that is what we're built to do... to connect with each other emotionally.

If we weren't able to take on other people's emotions, we wouldn't be able to feel better just by being with someone who feels calm and safe. But we can.

So it makes perfect sense, that other people's nervous system's (which are highly correlated to our emotions), would also affect us in ways we don't want. It is how we're wired.

Even if it is your own emotional stuff you're dealing with, naming what you are feeling can take away it's power. If it is someone else's emotion, naming it can still help , but has the double benefit of helping you notice if it is your emotion... or their's.

The more specific you can be about the emotion, the better so practice this . If you've never used an emotion wheel, I highly recommend it. 

What works for you in terms of calming yourself?

• A deep breath?
• Noticing one thing from each of your 5 senses - something you can see, something you can smell, something you can feel, something you can taste, something you can hear?
• Tensing and releasing your muscles?
• Giving yourself a hug or tracing the fingers of one hand with your other hand?

Whatever ways you prefer, there is a key component that most people don't hear about enough... practice it before you need it.

Imagine a muscle that you didn't use suddenly being called into action for a huge task. How well is that muscle gonna work for you? 

Grounding exercises can only do so much if we only resort to them when we're already overloaded. You can literally give your nervous system the same advantage as muscle memory by practicing them in calmer times.

I think I should do a whole episode or 42 on boundaries. They create safety for everyone involved. For the person trying not to take on other people's emotions, they are essential for many reasons. One of those reasons is to limit your time with the people whose energy you don't want to take on and/or to prioritize your rejuvenation time.

"How important is it to you that we discuss this right now? I'm feeling worn down myself and would love to talk to you about this when I'm in a better place to help."

You can also offer this line to people when you are the one needing to unload: "Hey, are you in a place right now where I can vent without it bringing you down?"

By asking this before flying into your woes, you are modeling how you'd like to be treated. 

You can also try an imaginary visual boundary for yourself. Some people like to think of a glass wall where they can see the other person's emotions but the energy cannot penetrate.

Personally, I use a bubble. I'm inside the bubble, and like a glass wall, I can see and empathize with the person in front of me, but a bubble feels less rigid to me. I feel better able to allow in the energy that I want and block off the energy I don't want.

Interesting stuff. Blah de blah. Funny stuff. LOL. Quotes galore. 

There's actually a LOT of stuff in the podcast that I'm not putting here in the blog... because I know you probably came here for the checklist I promised in the podcast.

The 42 ways to make your year epic checklist. 

My top five ways (which will make much more sense if you listen to the podcast episode) are:

1. Stop letting other people's emotions affect you (duh)
2. Always know where your towel is
3. Laugh
4. Ponder the meaning of life the universe and everything
5. Start small and celebrate the small things

If you want the rest (and there's some epicness worth lookylooing at in there), you can grab the link below. 

42 ways to be epic this year